new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
