Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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