I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
