you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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