I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
