Pappa wants mamma naked
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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