so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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