I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
