Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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