I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
