she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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