I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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