my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
