Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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