We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
