I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
