I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Green mimosas i think yes
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
