I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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