hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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