i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
