Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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