I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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