just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
