Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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