How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
