I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
