you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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