If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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