if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
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I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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