My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have aggressive nipples.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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