He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
