Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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