Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
