drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
