he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
