Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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