She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
