Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
