sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
