Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
