you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
