seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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