Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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