You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
