did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i will never coherently bang her
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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