Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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