So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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