she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
