My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
