she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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