I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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