i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
