shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
