Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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