I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
