Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
