I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
