"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!