Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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