Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
