Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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