i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I had to cum in my sink.
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