Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
