I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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