it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
