He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
