I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
