Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
