census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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