I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
