i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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