there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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