Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
