At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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