I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
