I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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