it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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