What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
