I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
