He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
