i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
