feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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