u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
