I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dicks are not precious.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
