I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
not ubering you a puppy
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
