He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
