everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
