I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
