We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
