plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
