I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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