12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
